How to Increase Your Level of Intimacy
by Nelson Berry
Just because you have been together for so long you can now allow passion and romance to die their natural death. In fact, one of the best-kept secrets among long-term couples is intimacy. But how do you exactly encourage it?
Make an effort to do so.
Don't be trapped into a fairy-tale kind of romance. If you feel like the intimacy is already dying, you should step up a little bit and make an effort. There are many ways on how you can do that. Usually, you just try to bring back the old days. Remember those days when you still feel romantically involved. Recreate them.
Do look good.
Your appearance will surely play a huge role in increasing intimacy. Whether you like it or not, men and women are still motivated in what they see. If they find you pleasing, they will feel more attracted and aroused. Getting intimate will be so much easier.
Check yourself.
Do you feel confident about yourself? Are there certain things you need to change? If you're having trouble getting back your old self, you can make use of subliminal messages. Some of these subliminal messages can be the following:
I need to look good for my partner and myself.
I deserve to be given love and attention.
I will do my best to be worthy of attention.
I feel good about myself.
I have enough power to make myself look and feel better.
You can say these subliminal messages or affirmations first thing in the morning and before you go to bed. Allow them to provide you with good mood and motivation.
Find time for the both of you.
This is especially true when you already have children. The kids have already become a very lame excuse for couples to not do something together anymore. Getting together as a couple doesn't have to drive you away from your children for such a long time. You can just take a 15-minute walk in the park or watch a late-night movie when the children are already asleep. Hire a baby-sitter while you go out on a date in a fancy restaurant at least once a week.
Do a unique activity.
Maybe both of you are trapped in a routine. If this happens the relationship gets very boring. Never let excitement get away. Do something both of you haven't really done before. It would be great to explore such activity together and create new memories.
Sit down and talk.
A simple chat session can already be a very powerful means of bringing back the intimacy. Be more emotionally attached. Talk just about anything. You can even talk about your apprehensions. There's a possibility your partner is also feeling the same way too. Together you can figure out the best course of action to bring back the spark and save the relationship.
Like tango, it takes two to keep a relationship alive and together. If you want to bring the intimacy level higher, both should have concerted efforts to do so.
About the Author:
Nelson Berry is The Pioneer of Subliminal Messages Online.
Direct Answers appears in newspapers on six continents.
-- Direct Answers by Wayne and Tamara
From Jessica:
"My husband and I have been together three years. In those years we have been trying to have a child without success. Every time something major happens in our relationship, like fighting to the verge of a breakup, the same woman pops into the picture.
She is a coworker from his last job, and apparently at one time she kissed him, he felt a spark, then guilt. I only found out about her because his ex-wife mentioned her, and then he told me everything. Only thing is, I don't think he told it all.
After our most recent failure to have a child, she popped up again. I know he's doing something with her, but because I found out about her again through spying, I don't know how to confront him.
I have this hurtful thought that because I haven't been able to give him a child, he's doing this to hurt me. What should I do?"
Wayne & Tamara's Answer:
"Jessica, in parts of Alaska where huge Kodiak bears are common, many hunters believe in the "dinner bell theory." This theory predicts when a hunter fires a gun, bears will come running. Why? Because bears have learned gunfire means a freshly killed deer.
The bears know, at a minimum, the hunter will leave entrails and other eatable parts behind. They also know that they, as eight-foot carnivores, can have a "discussion" with the hunter over who the kill belongs to.
Every time you and your husband have problems, this woman shows up. Is she psychic? Has she bugged your phone? No. Your husband is letting her know there may be an opening for her. He's firing the gunshots.
In a court of law spouses can't be forced to reveal marital secrets, but your husband is freely doling out information to another woman. He's not telling her about his problems and your problems. He is telling her you are the source of the problem, so she can think, "I'm better than that."
He complains to her, and she is encouraged to think he will leave you. He says he is sorry, and you are encouraged to think all is well. But the bottom line is you have an untrustworthy male sharing your bed and every reason to believe his attachment to her will survive yet another marriage.
Hunters in Alaska have conditioned bears to know when food is available. That's like what your husband is doing with you and the other woman. Confront him once and for all. You deserve better than leftovers."
